Cooper's Electric Wedding

I’ve been so busy, I’ve had precious little time to devote to wedding planning. My bride magazines lay awake on the end table at night, lonely, longing for my fingers to come and turn their glossy pages. But my fingers have a headache and are too tired from days of bar managing and nights of bartending to have any energy left over for the agitated publications.

How am I going to get this day, the “most important day of my life” planned when I don’t even have time to do the laundry (up until 2 pm today I’ve been buying new socks and underwear weekly for atleast a month because I’ve had no time to slay the voracious laundry monster who has taken over my closet and a significant part of my bedroom. It’s a serious situation.)?

Enter the Untamed Bride. As soon as I met her I knew, Tiffani was the one. The one woman who will deal with all the stuff I don’t have time for, the one woman who will know how to find the “good” people buried deep in the heart of the wedding industry (most everyone in the wedding business is a rip off artist), the one woman who will help me get down the aisle without losing mind or selling my future progeny. 

I wish I would have spoken to her before I booked my venue because she probably could have saved me even more money than she already is. But, she’s here now and boy am I glad. 

Tiffani does all sorts of weddings: destination (for under $6000!, formal, casual and some sweet theme weddings. Here is a photo from the Alice in Wonderland wedding she did:

So cool. 

If you are a bride and you feel like you are losing your mind or can’t afford the wedding of your dreams, call Tiffani. She’s like a wedding planning fairy godmother.

One more piece of the wedding puzzle is in place. Just 321 days left…

Hunter S. Thompson once said, “The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.” 

I’m starting to feel that way about the wedding business.

This week is crunch time. I’ve got to find a venue, stat. I don’t want to have to sell my first born child in order to have a wedding, but that’s what it looks like it’s come down to. Sorry, kid.

I think I’m a pretty reasonable person. It’s not like I’m trying to get something for nothing. But, $8000 for a site fee? On a Sunday? And the eight grand doesn’t include any food, drink, etc. Am I out of touch? Or is that insane? 

My theme is art deco/roaring 20’s. I’d like to get married at a locale with that vibe. Here are some places I’ve looked at:

Cicada:

This was my first choice originally. A breathtaking example of LA art deco architecture. It’s dark and sumptuous. James Oviatt was the clothier to the stars back in the day. What once was his haberdashery is now the Cicada Restaurant. Unfortunately the events coordinator told me if I wasn’t going to spend $12,000, I should go elsewhere. Seeing as how I am trying my best to keep my the catering and site fee for my reception under $10,000, I kissed off.

The Silent Movie Theatre:

An art deco movie theatre on Fairfax. This place was cool and well priced. The coordinator was sweet. It seemed like we could get really creative here. But, it was a little funky. People would have to stand up for the outdoor reception. We really want a nice sit down dinner, so that wasn’t going to work.

The Crystal Marquis:

We drove all the way to Whittier to check this place out. Whittier doesn’t sound far away. And it’s really not that far. But Sunday morning traffic on the 5 turned a 20 minute drive into a grueling hour long drive from hell. The venue looks like it was really nice at one time. It’s falling apart a little now. But I have a feeling with the lights down low it would be hard to tell. The coordinators here are amazing. It’s almost a one stop shop. They will let you use their cake stands, their center pieces, their specialty lighting, etc. for free! And the price is right. But after some thought we decided we didn’t want to have our guests drive all the way to Whittier. We want our wedding to be the party of the century. People aren’t going to get crazy if they have to worry about driving. So, we scratched this one off the list.

The Oviatt Penthouse:

My current first choice. A gorgeous art deco jewel in the pit of downtown LA. Lots of lalique glass and vintage charm. This place is special. I’m a little nervous that they often squeeze two weddings into one day. And a majority of the festivities would be held outside (fingers crossed for no June gloom), but it is just what I am looking for. Roxy the events coordinator is a gem and her team is working with me to stay within my budget. I might have to sell one of my first born’s kidneys to afford it…I can live with that. Once again, sorry kid.

The bedroom/bridal room inside the Oviatt. They offer boudoir photography here. So I could take sexy photos around the penthouse, bind them in a book and give them to Greg on our wedding day. Sweet, huh?


The bar inside the Oviatt. Isn’t it gorgeous?

The Oviatt at night surrounded by twinkling skyscrapers in downtown LA. Ahhh…

In addition, we got quotes from the Legendary Park Plaza, the Sunset Tower Hotel and a host of others.

Part of me wants to say , “Fuck it”, and have our wedding in our backyard (which looks a lot like a Sarajevo bomb site), but for the money we’ll spend on another venue, we could fix our backyard up phat. 

However, I keep dreaming of the Oviatt and dancing the night away under the LA stars.

It’ll all be decided this week. Commence breath holding.

I am addicted to bridal porn.

Greg and I decided to get married. Suddenly, I can focus on nothing else. My unforeseen descent into Nuptial Affective Disorder is interfering with my life, big time.

I spend hours locked in my room with glossy bridal magazines. Slowly I run my fingers over the shiny pages, fantasizing about what dress I will wear, what color flowers I will have, what style of invitations I will order. If I can’t find the opportunity to be alone, I peruse wedding websites on my phone, all the while stealing casual glances, making sure no one can see what I’m looking at. I don’t want anyone to know how much time I actually spend dreaming of and envisioning my wedding.

I have a paranoid delusion the people who love me are planning an intervention. They’ll sit me down and tell me they love me, but request I seek help. Or they’ll kindly suggest the whole wedding thing might not be for me.

Lately, I notice my fiance’s eyes grow wide with fear (It’s the look cartoon characters have before a giant boulder drops on their head.) when I begin babbling about pre-fix vs. sit down menus, the number of bridesmaids vs. the number of groomsmen (if he had it his way we wouldn’t have any), silk vs. satin, platinum vs. white gold, charmeuse vs polyester. And my closest friends eyes now glaze over as I ramble about budgets and locations and dresses. It’s not that they aren’t excited. It’s just, I am overflowing with wedding planning ecstasy and there’s only so much of that people can take before they want to puke or punch you in the face. I know because I’ve been on the other end of it.

I understand I’m driving everyone around me crazy, but I can’t stop. That’s why I’m starting this blog. I need an outlet for all this bridal brouhaha. Hopefully this blog will help me get it all out of my system and maybe some of what is revealed will be of use to another bride who’s experiencing wedding day mania.